Dear Diary
by JuSt AnOtHeR DeMoNiC EgO
Summary: Lita's feelings toward Matt are changing... bad summary but good entries... *ChaPtEr 11 iS uP*R&R plz!!!
1. ChiCkEn MoiSt!

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Dear Diary,

Some things never change and other things just turn around completely. Things and people… like Matt for example. Yeah, he's been my boyfriend for almost a year already but it's getting tired. He used to be so into me… now all he cares about is wrestling, wrestling, wrestling. I mean… I love wrestling too, and it does play a major part in my life, but… it's not my only priority.

Matt's not even that great of a wrestler. He does his best in his matches, but he's not as good as superstars like the Rock or Triple H. The only reason Matt is so big is because of Jeff. Jeff is such a daredevil, and that's what makes their matches so amazing… because of highflying Jeff. Think about it… all Matt does is his leg-drops and twists-of-fates. They're getting tired, too… just like Matt.

I have to go to bed now. It's three in the morning and I have to be up at six for our flight to Ontario. What a luxurious life I lead… 

~ Amy 

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Dear Diary,

I've been such a bitch to Matt and I hate myself for it. He was being really, incredibly sweet to me today. First, the plane was full and they only had two seats left. Of course, Jeff wanted them for Matt and himself. Matt said I should have his seat and he'd take a later flight. I said no, as usual, but Matt never listens to me. So, I sat next to Skittles for hours on a non-stop plane ride from Detroit, Michigan to Ontario, Canada. All he wanted to do was read me his poetry, which I found quite boring. Some of them were pretty good, but the others made no sense. 

After finally landing, I step out of the plane and go completely numb. It's January and we're in Canada. Not cool… we go to get our bags and… SURPRISE! Lita's bag is absolutely nowhere to be found! How ironic… everything was in that damn bag. After waiting for almost an hour and a half I say "fuck it" and go to my hotel room. By then it was nine o' clock and I was tired as hell. I go to bed and at two in the morning, someone knocks on my door. I open it to find a sleepy, aggravated, frozen Matt with roses and my bag. How sweet… ugh. Anyway… he apologizes for my inconveniences as if they were his fault. I put the roses on the dresser and crawl back into my bed. Matt takes off his clothes and crawls in with me, pressing his completely frozen body against me. It took me forever to get warm and he goes and messes it up. I pull away from him, which makes him ask those stupid five words: "Are you mad at me?" Yes, you idiot. I'm mad at you. I don't know why, but I'm always mad at him. He's so annoying… and yet I love him so much. It's four in the morning and Matt's sound asleep. I couldn't warm back up or fall back asleep since Matt's arrival, so I decided to write… which is making me sleepy, so I'm going to try to get back to sleep. Night.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

We had to tape Smackdown today. Of course, I looked like hell from the whole nine hours of sleep I got within a two-day period. Matt told me I looked beautiful like I always do, but I don't buy his bullshit. He just wants to get his balls licked tonight… hehehe… anyway… I wrestled Trish, and I think I pulled a muscle doing a moonsault. Anyway, I won the match and Matt celebrated as if he didn't know I was going to win. I told him it was part of the storyline and that it was planned for me to win, but he says he's proud of me anyway. That made me gag.

Jeff the asshole accidentally dyed one of his eyebrows green. I thought I was going to die laughing. He thinks he looks so cool and he said he should do it more often. Matt and I begged him not to, but since when does Jeff ever listen to what other people say? So now, I'm walking around with Matt who's being so freaking sweet, it's making me diabetic, and Jeff with his multicolored eyebrows. These boys are going to drive me to drink, but where would I be without them?

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Jay (Christian) just discovered he has arachnophobia… and, boy, was it the most hilarious discovery ever! It turns out that Victoria has a pet tarantula that escaped from its cage. The hideous, fuzzy, black thing made its way from Victoria's dressing room to Jay's and Adam's. 

I was putting Adam's 'Edge' chain on him when we see Jay backing up away from his dresser. He had the most petrified look on his face. Then he started screaming at the top of his lungs, sounding like a little girl. I've never really seen a man cry, and Adam was tearing up a storm. I thought I was going to see a few more tears from Jay but he must've been too horrified to cry. Victoria comes in and scoops up her ugly, disgusting spider, kissing it and scolding it. She told it never to scare 'mommy' like that again. Its name is Sid and she keeps referring to it as her baby. I swear, that chick freaks me out.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt really hates cold weather. He was complaining all day. He kept asking me to check if his balls were blue and I asked him why he couldn't do it himself. He told me it would be a lot sexier if I did it. I ignored him and the laughter from his stupid guy friends. Jericho's sarcasm had me sick to my stomach as well as Adam teasing Jay and his spider epidemic. Jeff's green eyebrow and his poetry, and Matt's blue balls were also very sickening. It's tough being the only girl in the group but I have fun with the assclowns. They're like my brothers. Except for Matt of course… that would be incest. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Today Jeff and Jay were going around saying "CHICKEN MOIST!" for no apparent reason. Jeff told me it was fun to say and he threatened me saying, "if you don't say it now, Li, I'm going to molest your boyfriend." Come on… do I ever listen to a threat? Especially one from Jeff… I didn't say Chicken Moist, and so Jeff chased Matt around, frequently humping his legs and grabbing his 'tits'. Jay told Jeff that Matt had no tits and Matt got offended… which was pretty funny. Matt cups his hands under his 'tits' and says, 'I could be a nice A-cup…' what dumbasses. They're so funny, though. Jericho walks in, and asks if Matt was drunk which gives Matt and Adam the idea to go out and buy liquor. They come back with like… the whole freakin' liquor store and the boys dare me to drink. They mix a whole bunch of drinks together making a 'Christiedgeichoeff Manly Piña Colada'. They came up with that name by mixing up their names. Matt was sad because they wouldn't add his name to it. They told him Christiedgeichoeffatt didn't sound right. Yeah, like Christiedgeichoff does. So they make me drink and I got so incredibly drunk, it was pathetic. I look at Jeff and realize that he has a green eyebrow. That made me laugh so hard, I thought my ribs were going to break. The guys are all drunk, too, so they're trying to figure out how Jeff's eyebrow became green, except for Matt, who thinks my cracking up is sexy. He asked to screw me right there in the middle of the room. That made me laugh even more, which made Matt even more horny.

~ Amy

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Hehehe… CHICKEN MOIST!!!! LoL… anyway… I thought it would be cool to make a diary type of story… it was just an idea… tell me if u guys think I should drop it or continue… send a review!!!

~ ChOoSe OnE ~

Leave it! (Why…)

Love it! (Why…)

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	2. GuiLtY PLeaSuReS

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Dear Diary,

I finally gave into Matt's whining. We had sex last night. Of course, I enjoyed it a little, but… it wasn't the same. Usually it's…erotic and beautiful, or just plain raunchy and wild, but last night it wasn't either. It was just…blah… I wanted it to be over with after the first ten minutes. Usually I'm begging him not to stop. I don't know what it is with me… maybe I'm PMSing? I don't know but I want to change… I hate seeing Matt hurt. And I hate being the one hurting him.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I asked Matt to tell me exactly how he feels about me. He told me exactly this: "I love you more than anything, and I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a beautiful person. You truly mean the world to me, and I don't know what I did to deserve you… but I'm happy you're here. I don't know where I'd be without you, Red." And then he kissed me. I could've died right there. I don't know what it was. Maybe I could've died because of what he said, or how he was kissing me. Or maybe I could've died because he was kissing me and I wanted him to stop…or maybe I could've died because I'm being the only raging bitch and he's still in love with me. Or maybe… just maybe… I could've died because… I don't feel the same way about him…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I've had it. Matt made no physical or social contact with me today. Every time I looked at him he was already looking at me with this depressed look on his face. Then he would look down. I wanted to kill myself. I should just break up with him. He deserves so much better than me. He deserves someone like…Stacy. Stacy who's a total airhead, but would never think the things I'm thinking. I wish I could just spill my heart out to Matt… tell him exactly how I feel. I just want him to understand…but how could he understand if I don't? I hate him and yet I love him so much. God, I'm in such emotional pain.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I figured if I couldn't tell Matt the way I feel about him… I could tell someone else. I talked to Torrie. She told me she felt the same about Shannon – her off-screen beau. But she talked to him and they worked things out. I'm not sure if I can do that with Matt. I don't think I have the guts to. I hope I made the right decision in spilling my heart out to Torrie. She's a really nice and understanding person. I really don't have a best friend to tell things to. Well, not a best girlfriend. I sure wasn't going to tell any of the guys. They're Matt's best friends, as well as mine, and they would just overreact. Maybe I should've told Stephanie… or even Jacqueline. I hope Torrie doesn't say anything. She promised me she wouldn't, and she told me she never breaks a promise. I hope she's not lying.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I'm not absolutely sure… but I think Adam was flirting with me. A girl should know when a guy is flirting with her, but I'm not so sure. Adam is one of my best friends… he should know better then to do so. I don't know. I find him incredibly sexy, although I would never think of taking our relationship any further than friends. Matt was there, too. He didn't even notice anything. Whatever… I'm sick of Matt already.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt hit me today. He didn't do it on purpose, though. Matt has the tendencies to talk with his hands, and I kind of got in the way when he was in a very deep conversation with Jeff. He whacked me right in the face. Jeff found it hilarious, but it hurt like hell. Have you ever seen the size of Matt's arm? Oh, man I saw monkeys! He apologized and kissed me again and again. He hit me so hard, my eyes started tearing and he thought I was crying, so he felt like shit. I'm kind of glad this all happened… now maybe he can be depressed, too.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

It's been almost a month since I've written in you and I've been a very, very bad girl. I don't know what sets me off but I've been doing some fucked up shit to Matt. I 'accidentally' punctured the vein in his wrist.

I was writing something down – I forget what it was – and Matt was lying next to me. He was on the phone with Shane (Helms) and I don't know what got into me… I just took the pen and stabbed him as hard as I could. He screamed and I watched the blood flow from his wrist. He hung up with Shane and asked me what the hell was wrong with me. I put on a crying act and pretended it was all an accident. He felt bad… you know, seeing me cry and all… and he told me it was okay – no big deal. Yeah right. I'm starting to scare myself. I feel like Victoria or something.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt's walking around with a bandage on his wrist. Every time I go to hold his hand, I make sure to squeeze his wrist first. He flinches, but I pretend not to notice and I smile at him. I like to see him hurt .

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

It's been about a week and a half since my last entry. I've just been so busy. We're in Toronto now.

I just finished reading my last couple of pages, and I am baptizing my poor diary with my tears. I can't believe I wrote 'I like to see him hurt' in my last entry. I hate to see Matt hurt! What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I do the things I did to him? I'm such a fucking stupid bitch. I hope Matt hates me… I hate me. I love Matt so much! I love him, I love him, I love him, and I want to make everything up to him. I'll make sure I do.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I treated Matt like a king today. He deserved it… I've been such an asshole to him. I hope he forgives me.

~ Amy


	3. OrEn

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Dear Diary,

I've given up on Matt. I didn't break up with him or anything… I just stopped treating him like 'a king'. He was acting as if that was how he was supposed to be treated. Ha! My ass! 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Jeff died his other eyebrow. It's purple. He said he has to represent the Hardy Boyz… riiiiiiight.

Right now it's four in the afternoon – I just finished my workout. I'm watching Adam lift weights as I write… and damn, he looks good. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt caught pneumonia. That's what he gets for wetting his hair and then going outside in Toronto, Canada. He was in his hotel room all day today. 

I pretty much hung out with the guys as usual. I caught Adam looking my way a couple of times but I didn't think anything of it… I mean… we're just friends… right? 

Anyway… Jeff adopted a snowball. He actually filled out adoption papers and paid 25 cents for it. It was Jay's first.

Its name is Oren, which is Jeff's middle name, backwards. 'Oren' is living in Jeff's freezer… I'm Oren's Aunt Lita. 

I have to go now… I'll write more later.

-

It's later… and Chris ate Oren. Jeff cried.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Was my day one of the most hilarious, embarrassing days ever or was it…

*9 A.M.*

We're on the plane, headed for Dallas, Texas. Matt's complaining about not feeling well, and Jeff isn't talking to Chris. Jay was kind of mad at Chris, too… he said Oren was his son first, but then he gave him up for adoption. Chris said he didn't care because if they would've brought Oren to Texas, he would have melted, and it would've been a slow and miserable death. This is what I went through for hours… complaining, whining, arguing, and discussion on the death of Oren the Snowball.

*4 P.M.*

The guys and I are hungry so we go to a McDonald's. Adam, Jay, Chris, and Matt order the same thing… two double cheeseburgers, large fries, a large coke, and two apple pies (hey that rhymes.) They eat like freaking pigs. I just had a cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. Jeff orders lobster and gets mad because they don't serve lobster at McDonald's. He actually threw a fit. There I was, with a grown man, whining and carrying on… not to mention his eyebrows are purple and green. It was one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen… and the rest of the guys find it hilarious.

*5 P.M.*

We're driving to our hotel when we see a playground. Of course, the guys want to stop and play. So we pull over and Jay and Jeff run out of the car. 

Chris stands by the swings, getting all fidgety and upset because some little girl won't let him have a turn. 

One little boy recognizes Jeff and asks him to do the guns and give him an autograph. Then he walks up to me and asks to see my thong – mind you, the kid couldn't be more than five years old.

Another little kid walks up to Jeff and laughs and teases him about his eyebrows. Jeff's feelings get hurt, and so Jeff kicks dirt at the little boy. 

Chris is getting ultra impatient waiting for the swing, so he pushes the little girl off. She falls and scrapes her knee and starts to cry. Her grandmother comes over and starts beating on Chris with her purse.

Matt is quietly playing by himself on the jungle gym and so Jay decides to start trouble by pushing Matt off of the monkey bars. Matt gets upset and he and Jay start fighting. 

Now is when I come in. I slap each of the boys and then I apologize to the little kids and the little girls grandmother. 

The boys were on punishment in the car and couldn't talk for the rest of the ride. It was funny and yet… so relaxing.

*9 P.M.* Also Right Now*

Jeff is mourning the death of Oren. I'm actually tired as hell. I think I'll go to sleep now. Night-night!

~ Amy

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	4. ThE AdaM ChRoNiCLeS

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Dear Diary,

Okay… now I'm sure Adam has a crush on me. 

Every time one of the boys has a match, I kiss them good luck – on the cheek of course. Matt's the only one who I kiss on the lips… well, duh. 

Anyway, today Adam had a match against Kurt Angle. I went to kiss him on his cheek and he turns his face… okay, what was that all about? I kissed him on the lips but it was really quick, because I pulled back, realizing my mistake. At first I thought it was all an accident, but then he winked at me. I almost died. He is soooo sexy. *Sigh* I'm stuck with Matt, though. I shouldn't say stuck…'cause I love him – I really do. Maybe we should just go on a break… 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Adam told me he's not that close with Matt. I think he only told me that because he wants me. Adam and Matt are like peanut butter and jelly… you can't have one without the other. They're always together… and I guess you can say that Jeff and Jay are the bread… Chris is the glass of milk… 

I'm getting myself hungry. Now I want a P.B & J sandwich… hehehe…

Anyway, Adam also told me that he's only friends with Matt because it's easier access to get to me. I don't know if I can believe him. He's the type of person that can tell you anything and it would end up being all a joke. He's very sarcastic and he likes to prank people. I think I'll wait a little longer before I jump to anymore conclusions.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

The last time I wrote in you was last week. I didn't have time to write… I had two more matches with Trish and then one with Jazz. That right there is three weeks straight, so I don't have to do anymore wrestling anytime soon. I still have to travel, though, for the backstage storyline. It's no biggie. 

In this past week, I kissed Adam six more times. Four were just tap… and then we kinda made out twice. I'm trying to avoid Matt because I feel terrible now. I wish I could take those kisses back… but then again, I don't because I think I'm starting to have feelings for Adam. Aren't I just a bitchy little slut? I know it, and I hate myself for it.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Trying to avoid Matt is like trying to avoid a tornado. It's almost impossible. He's everywhere. He keeps asking me what's wrong but I just ignore him. Adam's ignoring me, too. Now I know what Matt feels like. I feel like shit.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Fuck Matt, and fuck Adam. They're both being complete assholes. Maybe they're in on something… maybe they planned this whole thing with me and Adam. I hope not. I'd just kill myself.

~ Amy

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	5. HoW DiD He FiNd OuT?

*Tears* I'm so happy with my reviews! I'm gonna cry… I love you all! I truly do! 

I want to thank all the little people I had to step on to make this possible… and my baby, Matt…sorry Amy's bein' such a bitch to you in this fic… you know I love ya! Hehehe… I wish he was my baby… anyway… read on… 

Hugs N Kisses

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~

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Dear Diary,

Okay… two and a half weeks since I've written. I'm ignoring you my poor little diary, and I solemnly apologize. 

Adam and Matt got into a fight…and if it weren't for the rest of the boys… Matt would've killed the poor guy. 

Somehow-and I emphasize the word- Matt found out about the fooling around between Adam and I. I haven't done anything serious with Adam…I swear… but Matt wasn't having it. He beat the living shit out of Adam. Adam put up a fair fight, but he was no match for Matthew Hardy. I've never seen Matt so angry… it was scary…and yet… real sexy.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Matt isn't talking to Adam, Adam isn't talking to Jay, Jay isn't talking to me… and poor Jeff and Chris don't know what the hell to do, or whose side to take. I feel really horrible. I'm the cause of it all…but I still don't regret anything. I want to… but I can't. I think I'm crazy, because all I've been doing is laughing. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I spoke to Matt today. He told me he's not mad at me, and that pisses me off. He said it's Adam who he hates and he said that he knows in his heart that if I could, I would take it all back… he couldn't be more wrong. I actually enjoy what's going on. It's entertaining and we're usually always bored as hell in the damn hotel rooms.

I want me to be the one that Matt is upset with… it was me who started it all, wasn't it? Or maybe it was Adam… he did give me all those signs… but if I loved Matt, I wouldn't have let anything happen. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I told Matt everything was my fault. He still loves me and forgives me. Am I a goddess or something? Who am I to get such predominance? 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I know how Matt found out about Adam and I… 

Remember how I said that I spilled my heart out to Torrie? I told her everything, everyday, and she always talked to me…she kept me sane. The stupid little blonde bitch told Matt. I confronted her and she said she did it for Matt's sake. Why the hell is she so worried about my boyfriend? 

She said, 'Amy, you should consider Matt's feelings.' Who the hell is she? Barney? Mr. Rogers? My mother? Torrie better watch her back because she's got something coming to her.

~ Amy

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	6. ThE LiTTLe MeNTaL iMaGeS

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Dear Diary,

If I didn't know any better, I'd say little Torrie is hiding from me. I guess she figured out that what she did was fucked up, and she knows how I react to things. If she doesn't want to get her ass beat, then she'll stay wherever the hell she is.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Victoria told me she 'idolizes' me. She said she'd been looking for me ever since she found out that I hurt Matt's wrist. She said that it was cool and bizarre and that she should be more like me…that everyone should be more like me… but if everyone were more like me… then this would be one fucked up world.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I spoke to Matt today. I told him that everything was all my fault and that he doesn't deserve me anymore. He told me I was crazy…like I didn't know that already.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

The days are getting shorter as well as my diary entries. I never have any 'me' time anymore. Everything is always wrestling related, or I'm too busy thinking about Matt and the guys. Speaking of the guys, they're all ignoring me because they're still trying to sort things out in their minds. I haven't seen Adam since his fight with Matt…I wonder if he's okay.

~ Amy 

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Dear Diary,

It's two days later and I finally saw Adam. He didn't have one scratch on him. When I brought up the fight, he had no clue what I was talking about. Then he was like "oh, that fight!" Whatever, he was just being sarcastic. I told him how the guys were all ignoring me and he said that was wrong of them. Finally, someone who's on Amy's side! 

We got to talking and he took me out for lunch. It wasn't anything romantic, but it was nice to know that someone was there for me…besides Matt. I just wish it hadn't been Adam…AKA the guy I fooled around with. It would've been a whole lot greater if it were someone like Jeff who I had hung out with. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time with Adam… but… although he didn't flirt with me… I couldn't stop having these little mental images of us together…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I keep going out with Adam. Still, it's nothing romantic, but it's really weird. Matt never takes me out, so I'm not used to it. Adam is so cool, and although we have nothing in common, I have a really great time with him. It would be even greater if these damn mental images would stop…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I'm still having the mental images…even when I'm not with Adam. They keep happening more frequently and they just keep getting even more X-rated. If they were on TV, I'd be bigger than Pamela Anderson.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Right now, I'm watching Adam work out and I'm starting to wish that my little fantasies became reality… God, he looks soooooo good.

~ Amy

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	7. BrOkEn TyPeWriTeR

This chapter is gonna come as a shocker to most of y'all… so brace yourself!!!

I wanna leave this up fer a lil while and then I'm gonna post a new chapter that might come as shocker as well… 

*EviL LauGh* MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! 

Have fun reading…

*Hugs N Kisses*

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~

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Dear Diary,

Every time I see Adam, he gets sexier and… yummy… and hot… and… delectable… I just wanna bite him. I don't know what's wrong with me! I feel like a stupid high-school chick that has a crush on some hot jock. 

Like today, Adam and I were having a conversation, and my hair was kind of messy 'cause I had been working out. There was a strand of hair over my eye, which I blew on constantly – at least during ¾'s of the conversation. And he saw how it was getting me aggravated, and so he brushed it away. I thought I was going to die. I've touched Adam before, but this touch was… oh my God… so wonderful. 

Although he brushed it away in milliseconds – no… in nanoseconds … there was like this… electricity that just flowed through me. It was really cool. I wanna go touch him again! Hehehe…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Two months later, and sooooo much has gone on!

First of all…I did it. 

I touched him again. I made love to Adam Copeland. 

It was the most beautiful experience ever. Even greater than Matt. Adam's in such great shape and he looked so damn sexy. It was one of the best experiences of my life… I wish I 'd done it sooner…

And where was Matt when all this happened? Waiting for me at the bar for hours…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I keep my distance from Matt, and I can see it's hurting him. He hasn't really been sleeping or eating. He's starting to lose weight, and he looks horrible. I think it's because of me. I'm putting him through depression… but who the hell cares? I screw Adam every night.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Two nights later. I feel well enough to write.

I went to this party with Adam and I got so drunk. We had sex later that night, and I can't remember if we used a condom.

This is the longest hangover I've ever had. I still feel like shit, but it's a billion times better than how I was feeling two days ago. 

Matt asked me why I was so drunk and I lied and said I went to my cousin's bachelorette party. He believed me, that dumbass.

Anyway… I don't feel so emotionally hurt anymore. I don't know what it was. I think it was just Matt, although he's never really done anything to hurt me.

I feel so good being with Adam. He treats me like a person. He's interested in me… and not rolling around on a mat with some fat, sweaty guy… like some other people I know. *coughMATTcough*…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I feel like a broken typewriter. I skipped a period.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

It's three days later, and I still haven't gotten my period. I didn't tell Adam anything, yet. I've just been moping around in my hotel room. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I finally bought a pregnancy test. It's lying on the bed, and I'm afraid to touch it. I don't wanna find out… but I have to… I'm going to go check… I know you're just a book with a bunch of paper, but… wish me luck…

-

I just finished checking. It took me almost twenty minutes. I can't stop crying. It came out positive.

~ Amy

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	8. ScReWiNg WhiLe iNtOxiCaTeD

*Jerry Seinfeld voice* Okay people, okay… lol

I got like… 50 billion reviews stating that I was a stupid bitch who should die and burn in hell… lmao, I'm jk… my WONDERFUL FANS (gettin a lil cocky there, huh Jade?) would NEVER say such things… but they did say that I left a cliffhanger and they want more and they can't wait and blah, blah, blah… and so, I decided to be NICE and put this chapter up… DON'T YA LUV ME!?!?!?

Hugs N Kisses

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~

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Dear Diary,

I'm so depressed. I haven't eaten or showered in two days. All I've been doing is crying and sleeping.

I keep hearing the constant knocks on the door from any one of the guys all throughout the day. I know they're worried about me, but I'm not going to open the door and let them see me like this. It's not about looks… it's just that… they might think I'm weak now, when I used to be this strong, beautiful, vibrant person. 

I'm letting my boys down.

I'm letting me down. 

I hate life.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I decided not to believe it. I'm not going to believe that I'm pregnant. I'm going to go out and buy another pregnancy test and prove to myself that the first one was just a false alarm.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I bought my second pregnancy test and this one says it's negative. I don't know which one to believe. I think I'll go buy another one…

-

The third test says it's positive. What the hell? Am I pregnant or what?

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I'm still depressed and I started to eat. 

Well… it's junk food… but it's better than nothing. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I think I may be pregnant – despite what the stupid tests told me. I'm starting to get big… and cranky. 

I still haven't made contact with any of the boys.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary, 

It's been a week and I couldn't be happier…

I got my period! I've never been so excited to see a blood stain on my panties.

I guess I was gaining weight from all that damn junk I was eating. 

Anyway, I actually cried when I saw I had my period. Thank God for blood!!!!!! 

Maybe 'getting pregnant' was God's way of punishing me for what I've done to Matt… 

Who the hell cares?! I got my period!!!!!!

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I saw the boys today, and when they saw me, it was as if they saw Jesus Christ himself. I was smothered with hugs and kisses and all that good stuff. Adam and Matt weren't there, though. Jay told me that Adam had to go and plan some match with Chris Benoit… but he didn't know where Matt was. As a matter of fact… nobody knew where Matt was… 

Maybe I should stop writing and go find him?

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I found Matt. He said he'd been looking for me, too. He asked me if I was okay and blah, blah, blah. I told him I was fine. What was I gonna tell him? 

"Hi baby, I'm sorry I made you worry. I was depressed because I fucked Adam while intoxicated and thought I was pregnant. But I'm not, so you can stop worrying." 

Hell no. I kept it plain and simple. 

~ Amy

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	9. MiSsiN My BaBy

__

Dear Diary,

I've been really busy and I've just taken a look back on the last few months of my life. 

Three months makes a hell of a difference, because I do not feel the things I once felt.

I told Matt everything. I just let it all out. He did exactly what I thought he wouldn't. He was Matt. He just held me and told me it was all right. I apologized and just cried and cried. I cried even more every time he rubbed my back or said "Shh…it's okay baby, it's okay…"

How can he forgive me after all I've done? I've been absolutely horrible to him and he forgives me. Can I live with that? I mean, I deserve to be punished and yet I'm getting the exact opposite. I love Matt to death… but I never treated him that way… I've never made it obvious… I need to start showing my love for him in every little way possible. I can't lose Matt… I just can't … I can't let that happen…

And as for Adam... he's a fagot. 

When I told him about the pregnancy thing, I didn't mention the negative tests. I just said "Adam, I'm pregnant." 

He said, "Is it mine?"

I told him yeah and he said, "it's not possible... I wore a condom."

I told him "well, they break." 

He shook his head and told me that I ruined his life … that I'm a dirty slut. 

Maybe I am. Maybe that's what I deserved to be called after all I put Matt through… but I didn't deserve to be called that by Adam. He's the last person who should've called me that. If anything… Matt should've… but if Matt didn't, then Adam had no right to. I hate Adam… he was no good for me, and I should've realized that from the beginning. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Now that Matt knows everything, he has this sudden passion to kill Adam. Well… not exactly kill… but hurt… really bad.

I feel bad for Jay who has no clue whose side to take. He talks to Matt and he talks to Adam, but he never talks to Matt and Adam… does that make sense? 

Torrie sees me walking with Matt all the time now…and… maybe it's me, but I think I see a hint of jealousy in her eyes.

Whatever, she just better not think about touching my man.

~ Amy

*************************************************************

Dear Diary,

Earlier today, I was in the parking lot getting something out of Matt's car when something slammed into my back. It hurt like hell, and I thought a car hit me. I turned around and it was Adam, looking like he was going to kill me. He had shoved me and I asked him what his deal was. He told me that I lied to him…you know…about me being pregnant and all. And I told him yes, I did. He shoved me into a wall and told me that I said I loved him. 

Well I did… but we were having sex, so I don't think that counts

…And he said that we were supposed to stay together forever. So he pinned me against the wall and kissed me. He tasted like nothing but alcohol. Even drunk, Adam is strong as hell. I couldn't push him off of me. He didn't rape me or anything, but I felt violated.

I don't know whether to tell Matt or any one of the boys… if anything I'll tell Chris… I can't tell Jeff because he's crazy as hell and would probably kill Adam and then tell Matt… I can't tell Jay because he's Adam's brother… he wouldn't know what to do. He'd sit down for an hour saying "Let me think…" and then he'll go "Let me get this straight." And then he'll explain the whole story to you again… then he says "Okay… let me get this straight" when he already has it straight… never go to Jay with a problem… it's a definite no-no. 

If I told Chris he would just be very protective of me and he would just beat Adam's ass a little… so if I decide to tell any of the guys, I'll definitely tell Chris.

~ Amy

*************************************************************

Dear Diary,

Matt and I aren't going out. We're just on a break. It's going good so far… but it seems like he wants it to stay this way. I miss him a lot. I hate sleeping alone, though that sounds very slutty. All I want is Matt. I want Matt's arms wrapped around me… Matt's lips touching mine… just Matt. I know what anyone would say if they were reading this… 'You missed him when you had the chance, honey' … I know it's true… but can't I just have my way?

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I think I saw Matt flirting today. My heart is broken. He was flirting with some blonde chick… I didn't really see her. He specifically told me he likes redheads and brunettes… damn it. I miss my Matty…

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I was in a really sad mood today… the guys cheered me up. They put on this little comedy show… making jokes on one another and stuff like that. Jay tried to imitate Jeff's accent, which was horrible. Jeff got back at him by imitating the way he flirts… which was pretty funny. Chris was just Chris and that's a comedy show in itself. I had a good time with them and I'm glad I finally smiled and laughed. They're the coolest.

~ Amy

*************************************************************


	10. FiRe MaKeS JeFf HaPpY!

As all of you may know, we've lost a WWE Legend recently… 

"Classy" Freddie Blassie… and although he may not have considered himself a legend… he was in my book ;) 

Rest in Peace, Fred Blassie… you'll always be a legend…

Now read on, you pencil-necked geeks! 

Hugs N Kisses

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~

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__

Dear Diary,

I feel myself slipping to a state of depression every now and then. Like when I thought I was pregnant… now it's because I miss Matt so much. I think the guys notice it. I don't want to do the things I used to do all the time. I realize the guys are trying to keep me busy… they care about me, you know? They're so cool. I love them to death.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Today, while taping RAW, Jerry (Lawler) kept asking me if I was all right. I told him I was fine. I could tell he didn't believe me… I can't fool these guys… not a single one of them. I've been with them all for so long, they're like family. They know me already. They know what's going on without even asking… but if I try to talk to somebody, I'll have a total meltdown. I don't know what to do anymore… I'm so freakin' lost.

~ Amy

*************************************************************

Dear Diary,

Matt flirts with girls and he doesn't seem sad or anything. Do you have any idea what that puts me through? Oh God, it hurts so bad. I know we're on a break or whatever, but… I still feel like he's MY Matt… I don't want other girls to have him! He's mine!

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Jeff and Chris were lighting things on fire today. They burned a leaf, a piece of paper, and they killed the caterpillar that was on the leaf… that made Jay sad because he doesn't like fire and he was telling us to imagine how the poor little creature felt. Jeff burned Jay's finger for saying that.

I was actually enjoying watching the little things burn down… until Jeff wanted to move on to bigger and better things… like Jay for example. He tried but I wouldn't let him. He said "Fire makes Jeff happy!" 

It's days like this where I don't miss Matt so much… because I'm preoccupied with three of the world's biggest assclowns.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

Vince told Jeff that he couldn't have his eyebrows two different colors anymore. Jeff got mad and went on strike. He was walking up and down the hallways with a sign made out of loose-leaf that said "Vince shall be assassinated!" Of course, Matt the human dictionary had to step in and say, 

"You know, Jeff…you can only assassinate someone for political reasons."

Oh please… Jeff wasn't serious, he was just being stupid. I hate when Matt tries to make himself seem smart. It's so dorky…

~ Amy

*************************************************************

Dear Diary,

I had another 'encounter' with Adam. He wasn't drunk… and he didn't force himself on me again. He was just very rude and demanding. He said he wanted me back… and that if he didn't get me back, he'd kill Matt.

I don't believe him. He wouldn't do such a thing… but Adam is changing and it's not for the better. He's starting to scare me…

he used to be a funny, mellowed out, sarcastic guy that was easy to talk to… now he's just scary. I don't like it one bit. I hate being scared... especially now that I have no one to protect me. Matt and I sleep in different hotel rooms. I don't know if I should tell Matt what Adam said. That would just make him upset and want to fight again… no… I won't tell Matt anything. I'll just keep a close eye on him and make sure Adam is nowhere near him. I hope I'm not putting myself in any danger.

~ Amy

*************************************************************

I would've written more, but… I no feel good =( that's why I had y'all waiting so long… I'm sorry… I'll post a better chapter as soon as I feel better…

Hugs N Kisses,

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~


	11. OrEn NeRoJaY HaRdY ReSo ThE SeCoNd

Finally! This damn site is working… before, it wouldn't let me post another chappy…

Jade feels better now! Big thanks to all those who were concerned… like .5% of all my readers, but it's okay… *sniff* 

Well… now that I feel better, isn't that great for you! 

*Ric Flair voice* WOOOOOOO!!!!! 

Oh and by the way… 

Shout outs ta all my Puerto Rocz… the parade was off da heezey fo' sheezy!!! LMAO… Viva Puerto Rico!!!!

Now let's get ta readin'!

Hugs N Kisses

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~

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__

Dear Diary,

I felt like the only stupid ass today. I kept my eye on Matt, but I was like… EVERYWHERE he was… it was embarrassing, but I wanted to make sure Adam didn't do anything stupid. 

Even though we're not together right now, I still care about Matt. I care about Jeff, Chris, and Jay, too. They're my boys and I don't know what I'd do without them…literally. If Adam says he's gonna kill one of them, I take that to the heart… I can't have anybody messing with my boys… hell no. I looked like an ass, but it was for a good cause. At least I know now that Matt is safe in his hotel room. And that's all that matters.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I guess Vince McMahon and the producers noticed that Adam isn't acting like his usual self. They gave him time off and sent him back to Canada. Do you know what a huge relief that is? Oh my God, I'm so happy. 

Now I know that my baby is safe. I should try to get back with him again… I hope he'll take me back… I don't know what I'd do if he didn't. 

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

I am EXHAUSTED. I had such a long day. It was great though. We're in New Jersey right now and we went to Six Flags with a couple of other Superstars.

It was Jay, Chris, Matt, Jeff, Shane, Trish, Rob, Stacy, and me.

Jeff went on this water ride and got pissed of f when his face paint came off… he's a moron… hehehe…

Matt and I flirted like there was no tomorrow. It was HeaVeN… 

I think Shane has a crush Trish… he's so adorable. He played like every game there was until he won her a stuffed-green monkey. She named it Shane since he's green like the Hurricane. I think they make a cute couple. 

Matt won a white bear for me. Jeff made me name it 'Oren Nerojay Hardy-Reso the second'. We just call it Oren for short. I think it makes it seem like Jeff and Jay are married, but I keep my comments to myself. Although it's my bear, Jeff demanded that the bear sleep in his room tonight… I don't question Jeff's authority. 

Anyway, guess who's sleeping in Amy's room tonight? Matt!!! YAY!!!!!

I have to go… he just came out of the shower, and if he sees that I'm writing, he'll want to read it.

~ Amy

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Dear Diary,

It's six thirty in the morning. I have no idea why I'm awake, but I don't care… I can write about the *amazing* night I had with Matt. We didn't have sex or anything, but just feeling his body press up against mine was…oh so lovely.

I hardly slept all night. I was just watching him. I watched him every time he moved… every time he kicked the covers off of him… every time he pulled them back on… every time he grabbed his pillow like it was a teddy bear. He was so adorable!

I also realized that he held on to me most of the night. I've missed him so much and that was sort of like… a 'welcome home' thing. I'm so happy I think I might cry… of course I won't, though. I'm too tired to cry. Matt's stirring in his sleep right now… maybe it's his turn to watch me sleep. Back to sleepy land. Bye-bye!

~ Amy

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Okay, I really was planning to write like… A LOT… but my pregnant sister decided to come here and talk up a storm, and now it's like… 11:48 PM… and I have to go night-night… I'm tired… *YaWn* NiGhTy NiGhT!

Hugs N Kisses

~*!*~ JaDe ~*!*~


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